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Saturday, December 8, 2012

9 months

No, I'm not having another baby! Let's just get that out of the way right now.  But I've made a commitment to creating a new person in nine months.  Hopefully. :-\ What I've done is decided to lock in and commit to nine months of a weekly session with a personal trainer.  No big deal, right?  It's only nine months.  And babies are made in nine months... well, 10 months really, but enough about babies.

This past week has been one of those weeks.  Why am I doing what I'm doing?  Why do I keep going back to the same habits?  Oh yeah, because they're habits, duh.

The thing about the nine months, is that I know I'll survive working with my trainer on a weekly basis for nine months.  I'll go so far as to say that I love my trainer and how I feel after I've had a session with her!!  She kicks my butt, and I've made progress since joining the gym nearly six months ago.  But what I'm worried about is meeting the goals I've set for myself during this nine months.  I know I need to remind myself everyday that life also isn't a race.  I need to get in the mindset that nine months can feel as long or as short as I make it.  I know I need to make SMART goals... you know: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Timely.  And in the end, I'M the one who has to do all the work.  I can't blame my trainer if I don't drop 50 pounds or whatever before then, right?  For some reason I can't shake the thought that if I don't meet the goals, then... I'll be a failure.  I'm almost afraid to leave that thought there in print. I might have successes in other areas of my life, but one thing I seem to fail at is losing weight and keeping it off.  Do you ever feel that way too?

So besides showing up every week for training, I know I'll have to do my own work on the side.  I know I'll have to be diligent about my portions and what kinds of foods I eat and just tracking in general.  And not skip meals.  Sure I can burn a bunch of calories at the gym, but if I eat twice as much after I worked out, then obviously that's not going to help!!

All these things, I already know all this, but it's so frustrating that it just doesn't work every single time.  Because it's not easy.  Because life is not easy.  Because I'm not the type of person who can just drink a shake and call it a meal.  Because I can't limit myself to only 800 calories a day and function.  Because I don't have time to be an exercise bulimic nor do I think like that.  Because I still need to spend time with my family.  Because I want to do it the right way to have a healthy mind and body. And I want to chase these doubts and fears away and be able to look back at this post and think that it wasn't so hard after all.

Because in the end, the work and effort will be worth it.

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