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Friday, December 21, 2012

Life is short.

Last Friday when I heard the news of the tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut, I immediately wanted to throw up.  I just couldn't do anything but think and reflect about life.

There are so many monsters in this world.  I wanted to protect my boys and I wanted them to know how much I love them.  And I needed to know that they were safe.  I know every single one of my friends who is a parent, felt the same way.  So I did get them out of school early.  I tried to explain to them what happened and why I was there and that I loved them.  Then I bought them some ice cream at our favorite ice cream shop.  And we waited until daddy got home. I cried when I watched the President's news conference.  I hugged my boys and even let them sleep in our bed.  I hope and pray that I never know the pain of losing a child.  And I stayed off social media the rest of the night.  I couldn't bear to hear the discussions on gun control already starting.

Anxious.

It made me feel absolutely anxious to know that this was happening in the world.  And to feel anxious, this was okay for me.  I've learned how to better handle my anxiety.  Going to the gym, running, talking to people who can relate, all that has helped me.  I have found that I am now so much more focused on myself and my family and less so on certain people.  I avoid those people, those relationships, and situations that make me feel anxious.

Why do I bring up Newtown?  Because life is short. Life is way too short.  And I am determined to live my life with no excuses or apologies to anyone but those who matter most.  I'm not perfect.  I don't strive to be either.  I know a part of my journey is making sure that I am also mentally healthy as I get my body to my idea of healthy.  And I don't want to let the bad guys win, because I believe there is more good than bad in the world.

But that's just what I think.  And I really don't expect anyone to agree with me.

So everyday, I tell my boys that I love them.  I want to be the healthiest mom that I can be for them, the healthiest wife for my husband, and the healthiest me... for me.  And to take care of everyone else, I need to take care of me.  I want everyone to realize how important they are.


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