So what do you do with emotions? Grab a candy bar and soda (pop) from the vending machine?
I let it out with a few friends and I talked with my trainer. And I was mad. But my anger made me think of a passage in one of my fave books.
"You feel that rage inside? Burning hot in the pit of your stomach?"... "That's what's going to keep you alive, " he said. "Hold on to it. Fear will only sign your death warrant. Stay mad, princess." [Turn to Me, by Tiffany A. Snow]
So what am I taking from that passage? I'm staying mad. I'm not going to let it occupy my happiness and I'm not going to be a complete bitch for the next however long. But what I am going to do is not be afraid. I am going to step up to the challenge and maybe I need to turn the other cheek so that life goes on. I'm going to work hard and I'm going to get this weight off.
I'm tired of every crappy thing that comes across my path and wants to be a road block. I've struggled with so much my whole life, from being one of the only non-white families in a small town and having to overcome racism, to being incredibly awkward while growing up because I didn't wear the right clothes or like the "cool' things, to being the woman in college that other women hated and called names because the guys didn't talk to them but to me, to still being the fat girl in the family!! I'm so tired of dealing with all that crap. And this new roadblock, I'm already tired of it and it's bullshit. So yeah, I'm mad. I'm fucking furious!!! This is real. This is my life and I am going to work hard because my goals are MY goals and I'll be putting in the blood, sweat and tears.
If you want to get in my way, be ready. Be ready for a fight. I haven't given up. This isn't a game to me. I'm not taking the easy way out. I will meet every challenge and launch myself over it and in the end, I'll be the one standing up on my own two feet. And I'll put out my own fire when I find myself there.