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Sunday, September 22, 2013

I know a secret... that really isn't a secret

I'm going to let you in on a big secret... or a little secret.  Actually, it's not really a secret at all.

So yeah, did I expect it to be easy? Hell no! But at this moment, I'm struggling to be consistent in my training.  The biggest reason it's difficult is what's going on in my head lately when I take that first step to start a run.  Today I had to convince myself to even get out there. Once I started, these are pretty much my thoughts running through my head:

My toes hurt... I wish I had found my water bottle... It's a good thing I did those band exercises cuz my hip doesn't hurt that bad... I wonder if I'll lose another toenail...  My ass is jiggling too much. I need to find those compression shorts... This sucks... My throat hurts... I wonder if I have another sinus infection starting... I wish I could blow better snot rockets... My shin hurts... The time on that mile sucked... I forgot to put on sunblock... This song sucks... This song is too slow... Why do they keep playing dubstep on a the Bassnectar station... I wonder how much faster I'd be if I kept up on the weight loss... I can't wait to get my new tattoo... I need to do more core exercises... I'd rather be reading... This sucks... I need to do laundry... I need to make sure to get to the gym more and do more short runs during the week... Shit, my phone battery is going to die... This sucks... I should probably blog about this.

Sound familiar to anyone out there?  

The truth is, today, at this moment, I don't know why I'm training to run the 10 Miler.  I'm not having any fun.  Oh yeah, training isn't always fun either. :(  How could I forget?  

The truth is, I know I can run and finish the 10 Miler, and probably not be last.  I ran this race last year and the course is the same!  The truth is, I usually love to run and often use it as an escape.  The truth is, life keeps happening whether or not I'm taking the time to train.

And the truth is, it really doesn't matter to anyone else, but ME, if I end up dead last in this race or if I even start it to begin with.

When 2013 started, I had so many goals, and I accomplished so many of these goals too.  But lately, I've lost sight of why I began these goals to begin with.  I love meeting up with my friends at races, before and after.  And don't forget the race swag!!  But for this race, I feel stressed because I haven't been consistent with my training during the week, and life has me stressed, as always.  Should that really keep me from going to the gym or going for a run?  

And let's not analyse my eating habits.  They're both good and bad.  More good than bad.  I've been a terrible tracker and that's something that I know I really need to focus on, but one thing at a time, right?

Where am I going with all this?  I might be having a small pity party, but I'm human.  For the most part, I'm excited to run and train and feel accomplished.  But then I have these moments where I could give a shit if I run the slowest 6 miles on the planet because I'm not mentally present and not focused.  Sometimes we just need to reflect and figure out what the hell we're really doing and why.

Training isn't just being able to physically do something and push your body and your muscles.  There's also the mental aspect of it.  Some days our heads aren't in the game. Some days we have to get our heads out of our asses.  And some days, we need to not be so hard on ourselves and not expect perfection, and move on.

So starting today, with help and cheering on from friends, I'm going to try and move on and focus and get that voice of self doubt out of my head. 

Source: Instagram


  1. I have given myself a break from training because training was no longer fun. I still run, just on my own schedule. I am much happier right now. For me, there are times in my life when I love the structure of training- even crave it- and i really enjoy it. Then there are other times when I want to just do whatever feels good for my body and my mind. I don't want to schedule everything else in my life around training. I just want some freedom from it. That's where I am now. So I said eff it and stopped following a training plan. And I am so much happier because of it :)